RIP: Remembering Mummy

Mom lived her life for love of friends and family,

Neither asking for nor wanting a return.
Her days became a sunlit homily,

With others' joy her joy and main concern.

When we were ill, she also became sick;

When we were cut, she, too, began to bleed.

Of our oil lamp she was the wick,

Drawing her bright flame from our need.

Some say that such behavior's out of date:

That self-fulfillment is the way to grace.

But Mom, without much choice, then chose her fate,

Finding greater truth in an embrace.

She lives on in the sparkle in our eyes:

Laughing, quiet, gentle, loving, wise.

My mom just passed away 2 weeks ago at the age of 50. She had cervix cancer and she suffered tremendously for the past few weeks. It was horrible watching her with such pain and sadness. In the end she couldn’t even recognise any of us. I am actually grateful for her suffering to be over, but now our suffering has truly begun. We have to adjust to a life without her in it. Sometimes I still can’t believe it, and I expect to see her come around the corner when I get home. What hurts me the most is that I feel cheated. She was so young and had so many years left to live. She never got to see me or my brother get married, or got the chance to become a grandmother. She will be so excited to experience those things, and now she will never get the chance.

This whole experience seems like a nightmare, but one where I can’t wake up. My mom was my best friend, and the kindest person I have ever known. I know she is happy in heaven and that does give me some comfort, but being that I’m only 25 years old, it hurts me so much that I have to live the rest of my life without her. I have so much to look forward to in my life, but I know as each milestone occurs there will be great sadness too, as I will wish my mom could be there to share in my joy. Sometimes life just doesn’t seem fair, and I know time will help heal some of the wounds, but it’s impossible to get over losing her. I hope to see "signs" of her presence as some of you indicate you have experienced with your own moms. I want to feel close to her even though I know she is physically gone.

RIP mummy..I will always be your little girl whom you always proud of....